


Where Do We Go From Here

by Bait_And_Pitch



Series: Clarkson Universe [3]
Category: Pitch (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Female Character of Color, Female Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Love, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-07 03:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11050692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bait_And_Pitch/pseuds/Bait_And_Pitch
Summary: Family dinner at the Sanders' changes everything





	1. A Good Day

**Author's Note:**

> I snack on Kudos and live on chocolate and comments!

It was a good day. Blip and Evelyn were back from a much needed vacation. Ginny and I babysat the boys so they could be twin-less for a while. They wanted to take some time and work through their issues without interruption. Evelyn and Blip’s beaming smiles as they walked through the door was all the evidence I needed that they were back on track. They enveloped all of us in warm embraces and snuggled the twins enthusiastically. The day passed with peels of laughter from the pool and the very best conversation around the grill. We were happy to be back together, the easiness that had been lacking returning in full force. Before I knew it, it was time to start dinner. 

Ginny, Evelyn, and I worked in tandem on dinner. We are an efficient assembly line that only breaks for raucous giggles and lip sync battles, kitchen edition.  Evelyn is the master of the spatula mic. Ginny and a slotted wooden spoon are perfect duet partners. The whole island is my stage complete with a whisk mic and choreography. We battle for kitchen supremacy but we are at out best when we work together. We shuffle in unison to the Temptations and belt show tunes. Then reminiscence to Destiny’s Child. Blip strolls into the kitchen and watches us adoringly before turning down the music down.  

“Hey babe, Mike wants to know if you wanted him to bring anything for dinner? ” 

We all stop simultaneously, mid hair flip, and stare blankly at Blip.


	2. I'm Fine

I swivel my head to Evelyn then Blip, searching for understanding. Tension quickly builds in my chest. I look at the phone in Blip’s hand imagining the man on the other end. The sheer joy I felt a moment ago has evaporated. A phenomenon I never expected to be a symptom of Mike’s presence. An amalgam of emotions replace it. Confusion pierces through with the most clarity. Blip turns to Evelyn not understanding the shift in our demeanor his question has caused.  

“Babe can I talk to you in the living room?” Evelyn says tersely with a head jerk towards the door. Evelyn looks back and finds Ginny eyes. They both nod curtly to each other in agreement. As I continue chopping I feel a presence settle next to me.  

“I’m fine.” I say preemptively.   

“Really? Cause that mush you call onions may have something to say about that.” Gin counters. 

I stop chopping and look down. The onions that were supposed to be roughly chopped can rightly be described as baby food from hell. I place the knife down and exhale.  

“WHAT?” Exclaims Blip from the living room and is immediately quieted.  

Ginny and I turn towards the outburst but don’t comment. 

“He doesn’t have to come.” Ginny says earnestly.  

“I know, but you guys haven’t seen him in a while either.” 

“But Ev, he doesn’t have to come today.” Gin says almost pleadingly, not wanting a near perfect day to be marred.  

“I know.” I say in a small voice and sigh. “Mike and I are…honestly I don’t know what we are anymore. Maybe I’ll find out. But he’s Blip’s friend and your captain.” I punctuate ‘your’ and  Ginny rolls her eyes as if the title means nothing but I choose to ignore it. “So, that’s that.” I finish with a wooden smile.  

Ginny continues to look at me skeptically as I traverse the kitchen to retrieve more onions. She silently allows the subject to drop trusting my judgement just as Blip and Evelyn return. 

“Soo…” Evelyn and Blip start in unison. 

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Mike can come. The shock has worn off.” I reply cutting them off. 

Blip and Evelyn look to Ginny and she shrugs while stealing a carrot stick.  

“Ok hun. But here’s the thing.” Evelyn starts cautiously. “He’s bringing Rachel.”


	3. Show tunes

“Yea.” I draw out to indicate the obviousness of the statement. “They are together. Why wouldn’t she come too” 

I wish I had thought of that possibility before saying I was fine so many times. I am so screwed. 

All three of them wear the same quizzical look Ginny had earlier. They don’t know if they should trust that I’m ok or step in. I reach over and turn the music back up and continue the food prep. Effectively ending the conversation. 

We all continue to work and Blip keeps the twins occupied. I know Ginny and Evelyn are having their own conversation about me over my head but I'm too stuck in my own thoughts to comment. 

"Eva, we're pretty much done here. Want to go check on the grill?" Evelyn offers. 

"Sure." I wipe my hands on a towel and head toward the deck. I faintly hear Evelyn call Markus and Gabe before the door closes behind me. The food is coming along nicely. The different aromas swirling around me help to lift my spirits. Good food always has that effect. 

I turn to walk back towards the house but stop mid step. The familiar sounds of a Pacific Island tune begin to fill the back yard. The boys pop out of the house with Ginny in tow. They don grass skirts we made to celebrate our Moana themed dinner and hold wooden spoons to mimic boat paddles. The boys jump and dance around me to 'Where you are'. No doubt choosing that song because it's my favorite. I smile and laugh uninhibited. The music making me sway and sing along with fervor. My previous worries gone. 

Ginny skips and sings around us with a cream lacy table cloth in her hand. He hair dancing much like that of the heroine in the movie. The boys step aside but continue to dance and sing. Ginny ceremoniously wraps the lacy fabric around my waist and as she finishes they bow to me as if I am their Princess. I wholeheartedly play along. 

We dance and sing around each other, linking arms and hands periodically. We mime building a fire and cooking food as the lyrics of the song describe. We dance and laugh our way back to the kitchen. I walk through the door at the precise moment that Moana's lyric starts in the song.  I take a spoon from the table and sing her part. I twirl around the kitchen, fully caught up in the song and my giggling audience. My lyric comes to an end as does the song. 

We laugh until we are near tears. As we begin to calm down I hear clapping. I turn to the direction of the sound. None other than Mike Lawson leans casually against  the door frame, a broad smile decorating his face.


	4. Plating Duty

"Mike...Hi!" I say with strained brightness.  

"Hi yourself. That was quite a performance." Mike replies with his signature smirk but backed with warmth.   

"Yea. Just keeping the boys occupied."  

"True, but you never could resist a show tune." Mike says ribbing me.  

I laugh lightly and nod with the universal truth. Mike continues to smile warmly at me. I find myself unconsciously returning it.  

Gabe and Markus finally realize who I'm talking to and run to us.  

"Uncle Mike, Uncle Mike!" They say excitedly in unison, hugging his legs and waist.   

"We missed you."  

"Where have you been?"  

"Are you staying for dinner?" They pepper Mike with questions.  

"I missed you too." Mike beams. "And yes I'm staying for dinner"  

"Yay!" They cheer as Mike chuckles with their blatant affection. "We got a new game. Want to play?"  

"Sur..." Mike starts.  

"Sorry boys but I think it's time to get cleaned up for dinner" I say.  

"Aww"'  

"Nooo" They whine.  

"Yes." I crouch down to their level. " Your Uncle Mike and Rachel are here and it's not nice to keep them waiting right?"  

"Yea"  

"I guess" Markus and Gabe spout dejectedly.   

I look up at Mike and we can't help but smile at their expressions.  

"Good." I stand and take their hands, guiding them towards the stairs. "Now knowing your mom she probably laid out clothes..."  

"Evel..." I barely get out.  

"Folded on their beds" Evelyn responds from the living room.  

I chuckle and shake my head.  

"And I know you two love your Mom's appetizers. So if you want some before your Dad, Ginny and Uncle Mike get to them, you have to be down in..."  

I turn to look at the timer but hear "25 minutes" called from the living room.  

God she's good.  

"So hop to it!" I say excitedly and clap my hands. They both look up at me sadly.  

"Hey guys, what's wrong"  

"Nothing. We just wanted to play with Mike." Gabe says.  

"Aww. Guys you will. Just a little later. After dinner." I say reassuringly.   

"But he never plays with us when she's here." Markus interjects.   

"She? Oh, Rachel"  

I couldn't argue with that. When Rachel is around Mike turns down the silly, even when he's with the boys. It's as if he has to be serious at all times. Like laughing too much is juvenile.   

"Well, I know he really missed you two. How about this? How about I drop a subtle hint so he knows this is important to you?" I propose.   

The nod yes enthusiastically.   

"Good. You feel better we have a plan?" The twins continue to nod. "Yea? Good. Now you guys really need to go and get cleaned up or you'll have to deal with mama."  

They both wear comically fearful faces and race up the steps. They stop in the middle of the stairs and run straight back down, slamming into me. They hug me tightly for a few moments then run off chatting away to each other about who gets to play Mike first. I'm left joyously stunned as I walk back into the kitchen. I'm not surprised to find Mike rummaging through the refrigerator.   

"Looking for something in particular?" I ask.  

"No, I got it."  

Mike closes the frig behind him and raises the beer to show he's found what he was looking for.   

"Ahhh" I ruminate.  

He pops the cap and takes a long swig. We both take a few moments to appraise each other. Mike is dressed more formal than he normally does for family dinner. Usually he keeps it simple with a soft button down and  jeans. Tonight he wears a slim cut navy suit, fit to perfection, and a crisp white collared shirt. I think I see his favorite Padre cuff links peeking out. He's a far cry from my jean overall shorts, butter yellow tank top, and bare feet. We continue to look at each other but the awkwardness I expected doesn't come.  

"So can I help with anything? It smells amazing." Mike asks as he gestures around the kitchen with a smile.  

"I think it's all pretty much ready, but thanks for the offer. Actually, I think the first round of h'orderves are ready to come out."  

"So, I'm on plating duty tonight, again?" Mike asks skeptically.  

"Yes, if you don't mind." I reply innocently.    

"You know I'm not Ginny in the kitchen", he proffers. He swipes a clean towel from the oven handle and flips it onto his shoulder. He peers inside the oven to see finger stuffed peppers and homemade toasts for bruschetta. Then opens a lower cabinet takes out two platters and holds them out. One is a wooden rectangle with a beautiful cherry finish. The other is white with small blue damask around the edge in a wide oval.  

"Which one?" Mike asks.    

"White oval. The colors of the peppers should pop off it." I respond.  

"Yea. That's what I thought too" Mike responds.   

"And I know you can handle yourself in the kitchen, Mr. Grill master. This time you just missed all the food prep and you know in the Sanders' house everyone has to have a job."  

"Yea, and somehow unless we have dinner at my house I'm always the server or dishwasher."  

"What can I say, we've trained you well."  

"Oh really?"  

I shoot my eyes down to the beautifully platted appetizers.  

"I always knew how to do that." Mike says cockily.   

"Uh huh. Sure" I say with a smirk and take a sip of his beer. I berate myself internally but Mike doesn't bat an eye.  

"Hey can you do me a favor?" I ask earnestly.  

"Anything." Mike responds without preamble.   

"Make sure you spend some time with the boys, ok? They really missed you."  

"Yea I noticed." Mike says with an uncharacteristic  wistfulness . He sighs and rubs his beard. "I actually didn’t realize how much I missed them til just now."  

 Mike's face is painfully open and I wish I missed his meaning. I'm even more confused than before.   

"Hey. I was wondering where you went." Rachel says as she enters the kitchen with Evelyn hot on her heels.


	5. That was amazing

Mike finally breaks eye contact with me and turns to Rachel with the platter of food in hand. 

"Just helping with the food." Mike answers simply. Rachel decides against pushing Mike for more information and finally acknowledges my presence. 

"Oh hi Eva. I didn’t know you were going to be here." Rachel says smoothly but with an edge she can't quite hide. She possessively saunters to Mike’s side. 

"Hey Rachel. It's good to see you." I say brightly. 

"Eva is a life saver. She watched the boys for a week so Blip and I could go away." Evelyn interjects from the sidelines, watching with rapt attention. 

"That was sweet of you." Mike says fondly. 

"It was really nice. I love my little munchkins and Ginny was here which was great." 

"So you had three kids instead of two." Mike says with a snicker. 

"Ginny is amazing with them, but once she gets tired fun Auntie Ginny is a lot less accommodating. But that is why I was there. We make a good team." 

"How is she doing? Really doing?" Mike asks sincerely. 

"Better." 

"Good." 

I know Mike checks up on Ginny on a regular basis. Ginny's a private person and is prone to downplay how she's feeling. It's not my place to divulge private conversations we've had but Mike knows I wouldn’t lie to him. 

Evelyn and Rachel are both looking at us. They house two very different expressions, amusement bordering on glee and sheer annoyance. 

"Um…I think I’m gonna head upstairs and change." I say. 

"I’ll head up with you and check on the boys. Mike would you mind taking those in the living room?" Evelyn gestures to the appetizers. 

"No, not at all" Mike answers. 

"We'll be back down in a little bit." Evelyn says taking my hand and pulling me to the stairs. As we ascend the stairs, Evelyn is failing to hide a knowing grin. 

" I don’t know what’s been up with him the last few months and I’m still pissed but THAT...WAS …AMAZING!" She says punctuated with a squeal. 

"No it wasn’t." I say forlornly. 

"What? That was classic Mike and Eva." 

"Yea and that has to change. Rachel and Mike are together. We can’t be in our own little world. It’s disrespectful." I say with a sigh. 

" You haven't seen him in 3 months. You and I both know ignoring him wasn't an option. What did you expect?" 

"Awkward...weird...I don't know. Just different. Not the normal us." I say trying to analyze my feelings. 

"I know. What do you want me to do?" Evelyn asks turning to me. 

"Just don’t let me do anything stupid." 

"Like fight Rachel?" Evelyn says with a hint of hope. 

"Evelyn" I respond in exasperation. 

"All I'm saying if you need a safe place to take care of business you're at the right place. We all know you can take her. " 

I roll my eyes in chagrin but really want to laugh. 

"I’m sorry. But if she makes one more patronizing smile when I mention the boys or Blip we may find out if red heads float or not" Evelyn says testily. 

"OK mama bear." I say with a smile. "So we look out for each other. If mike and I monopolize the conversation you'll step in for me and if Rachel says any snarky comments about you being a full time mom, I'll make sure you don't cut her." 

"Deal." 

"You really missed him didn't you" Evelyn asks. 

"Yea. I really did." 

We reach the landing and Evelyn goes into the boys room. I faintly hear “Why don’t I smell soap?” after the door closes. I head to the second guest room. I take quick shower and wash the chlorine out my hair. I dry off and put a generous amount of coconut ginger conditioner in my hair and twist it into a high bun. I keep it simple with a little mascara and tinted lip balm. I debate what to wear and settle on my new favorite shirt and fitted wide leg jeans. At least my clothes are comfy. I grab a note from the bedside table and slip it in my pocket and head downstairs. 

I walk into the dining room to find everyone seated except Ginny and Evelyn. I take seat next to Gabe and an open seat, most likely saved for Ginny. Rachel and Mike sit across from us. Before the awkward small talk starts, Evelyn and Ginny enter with heaping platters of food. Red curry grilled snapper adorns a long tray with succulent roasted vegetables around it. Three different fresh salads are placed evenly throughout the table. My favorite, kale and broccoli slaw with sunflower seeds and craisins, sits in front of me. Walnut cranberry breads sticks perch in baskets covered in white cloth to keep them warm. Garlic lemongrass finger potatoes drizzled in olive oil and garnished with parsley gleam under the light. 

All stare in awe at our feast. We hear a rumble, the telltale sign of hunger. We all turn to Ginny with bemused expressions. "What? I'm hungry." She defends. We all titter together and dig in. The table stays silent except for happy sighs, delighted moans, and a continued flourish of oh my god. 

"So Eva, how does it fell to be 30?" Mike asks while protectively guarding a basket of breadsticks. 

"Weird" I answer honestly. 

"It’s been 2 months. Still not used to it?" Mike continues. 

"I am. I guess I expected it to feel different. I’m a successful professional woman. I have my own minions. People actually listen to me and I still feel 14. Does that ever change?" 

"No" Blip, Mike and Evelyn say through laughter. 

"Good. That makes me feel better" 

"Cool shirt by the way" Mike says off-handedly. 

"Thanks. It’s my favorite." I say happily. 

"Really?" Rachel asks in confusion. 

"Yea. It's a DeLorean crashing into a TARDIS. How could it not?" I say with glee. 

"Where did you get it? Red Bubble?" Mike asks. 

"Not sure. It showed up at my parent's house addressed to me but no sender. Three others came with it that are amazing. I guess whoever sent it just forgot to sign it." 

"Yea. That must be it" Mike says softly concealing a smile. 

"So Baker, how was your whirl wind vacation?" Mike asks. 

"Insane!" Ginny beams. 

"New York first, right? Blip asks. 

"Yea" 

"How was Robert?" Mike inquires. 

"Robert? Oh, you mean Robbie? He's my bud." Ginny says nonchalantly, trying to stamp down her excitement. Her dimples betraying her. 

"Wait, you went on vacation to meet Eva's parents' ?" Rachel asks incredulously. 

"Yea. She likes to spend time with her family in the off season and let me tag along. Eva's family is amazing" Ginny explains. 

Rachel wears and odd expressions that I don’t care to decipher. 

"Speaking of my dad, this is for you." I say, pulling out the note from my packet. Mike takes it from me with a skeptical look. It only takes a few moments to read. A booming laugh erupts from Mike. Eventually his laughter peters out. 

"What is it?" I ask, ignoring the ache in my chest his laugh as caused. 

"My obituary." Mike answers with no further explanation. 

"What?" 

"Apparently," Mike starts, tucking the note in his breast pocket. "I haven't called in a while and I must be dead cause the Mike he knows wouldn’t do that." We snicker together at my dad's flair for the dramatic. "I'll make sure to call him this weekend." Mike says sincerely. 

"Thanks. He'll love that." I add. 

"How did he react to meeting Baker?" Mike continues. 

"You should have seen it. They were both awe struck. It was hilarious. I didn’t tell them who I was bringing, just that it was a friend. They both stared at each other for a good thirty seconds and stood completely still. Then my dad finally walks over." 

"I think he wanted to hug me but then just stopped" Ginny adds. 

"and for whatever reason a hand shake didn’t enter his mind" 

"Please tell me he didn’t?" Mike asks, an astonished grin forming. 

"Oh he did." I say. 

"Oh god. Again?" 

"Yup. He patted her head." 

The whole table explodes in laughter. 

"Wait." Blip begins, still laughing. "Gin, Robert Clarke patted your head?" 

Gin nods emphatically and starts to laugh harder. 

"Why does he do that?" Mike asks. 

I shrug my shoulders, laughter still consuming me. 

"Like it’s a pattern?" Evelyn asks. 

"Yea. He gets nervous and just pats people. My dad is a dork. Take away all the glitz and glamour and he's a dork like the rest of us. Well like me anyway." 

"What did you do? Blip asks Ginny. 

"I smiled and tried to say hi. Honestly, I didn’t even notice. I was trying to get over the fact I was in Robert Clarkes' house." 

" I introduced them, then my mom came in and showed Gin around the house. It was pretty normal from there on. Well until she tried to steal your jersey from my dad's office." 

"I did not" Ginny says adamantly. 

"It's ok. It’s a signed jersey from his rookie year. I understand the temptation." I say patronizingly but with humor. 

"Rookie, if you wanted one all you had to do was ask. I bet it would look great next to my poster." Mike says with a huge grin. 

"I don’t know what you’re talking about." Gin says sporting a fierce blush. "Anyway, we watched old footage from the Padres. Stuff I don’t even know if Skip has seen. It was incredible and Helena was so sweet. I got to go to her school and meet some of her students." 

"Did they know who you were?" Rachel asks. 

"Only one of the bigger kids. She was deaf. She was so excited to meet me she hardly couldn’t sign. We finally got her to calm down and Eva translated for me." 

"What did she say?" Evelyn inquires. 

"She said she hated to see how bad my first start went but understood the pressure I must have been under and when I won my first game she swears she heard the crowd cheer." 

"Dang" Blip says. 

"I know. Baseball is just a game but when it can inspire or bring joy it means so much more." 

"Exactly" Mike says almost reverently. 

"Then she said she hopes she's in the stands when Ginny gets her first no-hitter." 

Ginny picks at a potato on her plate and smiles shyly. 

"That’s gonna be a great game rookie." Mike says, his tone not leaving any room for doubt. 

"Thanks Cap." 

"So Ginny how's the arm?" Rachel asks innocently. 

We all turn to Rachel, ready to come to Ginny's defense if need be. The conversation lends itself to asking the question but with a reporter at the table we don't know if the answer will stay there. 

"Resting and healing for now. Thanks." Ginny answers pleasantly. It's obvious to all of us Gin wants that to be the end of the conversation. 

"Any news about when..." Rachel continues. 

"What else did you do?" Mike asks cutting Rachel off. The glare she gives him would freeze a lesser man. "You two were dressed up one night." 

"Oh, that was the night we went to the New York Philharmonic. It was beautiful. Reese's solo was... Mesmerizing" Ginny answers with a contented sigh. 

Evelyn and I share a look and smile. We think she has a small crush on my brother. Judging by how many classical albums she's been listening to, maybe not so small. 

"Is he still the concert master?" Mike asks. 

"Yea. It's his 4th year." I say with pride. 

"Did you two get to play?" Mike continues. 

"No. Not this time." 

"Yea you did. At the house on Tuesday after the premiere." Ginny remembers. 

"Oh yea. I forgot." 

"Did you play the Bach Minuet?" Mike asks. 

"Yea. You remembered." 

"It’s the first duet you guys ever played together. I'm sorry I missed it." Mike responds. 

"No worries. They'll be other impromptu classical jam sessions" I say with a smile that Mike returns. After a few moments I realize the table has gone quiet. 

"And don't forget the shopping. Gin actually had to buy real luggage it get it all back home" Evelyn cuts in, thankfully. 

"You went shopping and you still insist on wearing leggings? Come on Baker. Spandex free clothes won't kill you." Mike jests. 

"Haha." Ginny deadpans and sticks out her tongue. Mike follows suit to the dismay of Rachel. "I just had to find what worked for me, what I'm comfortable in." 

"And Gin can wear whatever she likes. This is family dinner. No one told you to wear a suit" I say playfully. Mike winces slightly but says nothing. Oh. 

"Mike, be careful what you wish for. I've seen a few outfits and going out with the team just got a whole lot more interesting." Blip says with a sip of chardonnay. 

"Can't wait" 

"It was a really great trip. It was like being here. Just relax. No expectations." Gin ruminates earnestly. 

"My parents love you. They said anytime you need a getaway just to call." I say with a smile. 

"Thanks." 

"Then it was off to Chicago for Jeremy's game against the Bears. We only spent three days there. New Hampshire and then Hawaii for three weeks. God I miss that beach." 

"Beach? I miss that deep dish." 

"How can you talk about more food with all this in front of you?" Mike says lightheartedly. 

"If you had it you would have understand" Ginny replies. 

The conversation has held up pretty well and Rachel has been pleasantly cordial. However, she hasn't said much. 

"So Rachel," I begin "your article about Terra Foster was fantastic." 

"Thanks, her story needed to be told" 

" I completely agree. How are your mom and dad? Last time I talked to them your dad had bronchitis. Is he feeling better?" I ask. 

"He's fine now. Thanks for asking." Rachel replies with a tight smile. 

"Oh and your mom's larceny case. Did the evidence come in on time? I remember the opposition was gunning for a mistrial without it." 

"I'm not sure. I'll check with her later." Rachel says rather perturbed. 

I nod and take bite of food. Maybe I'll leave everyone else try and talk to her. 

"Evelyn, thanks so much for inviting us." Rachel says slipping her hand into Mikes'. "I wish I had time to entertain like this." 

Evelyn's hand clenches under the table. Rachel may not have intended for her comment to hit a sore spot but it did. 

"Her entertaining days are gonna be limited once the restaurant opens." I say proudly and we clink glasses. Evelyn mouths 'thank you'. 

"You got the space?" Mike asks jovially. 

"Yea. I signed before we went away" 

"Ev, that's great!" Mike says. "I'm so happy for you." 

"My babe's food is gonna be on the San Diego Must Go list the first month it's open. Just watch" Blip says with pride and a chaste kiss to her temple. 

"Thanks babe." Evelyn says. "But I can't take the credit for all this." Gesturing to the table of food. "Eva, had most of this planned before we got home. I just happily went along with her plan." 

"It was a joint effort. You and Gin are the best sous chef a girl could ask for." I say honestly. "But who's ready for dessert?" I look pointedly at the Gabe and Markus and they bolt from the table to the kitchen followed by Ginny. 

"What is that about?" Blip asks. 

"Oh nothing." I say, making room in the center of the table. "Just a small surprise." 

The boys return carrying two silver trays with Ginny walking protectively behind them. They carefully lift the trays and place them in the center of the table. They stand back and grin at their parents. The trays are filled with an assortment of colorful treats. 

"The boys really missed you this week and wanted to do something special. Since you both have a wicked sweet tooth we thought a special dessert would be nice but we couldn't decide. So we made... everything." I gesture with a flourish. 

"The chocolate bowls have a sweet mascarpone whipped filling with fresh berries and a raspberry drizzle." 

"I made the chocolate bowls" Gabe says with delight. 

"And I made the filling" Markus echoes. 

"They look amazing. Thank you" Evelyn says gathering the boys in her arms. Blip stands around them rubbing their heads affectionately. 

"We also have matcha cream puffs dusted with powdered sugar and apple rose tarts with a caramel cognac glaze." 

Mike's eyes light up at the apple tarts, a reminder of one of the only happy memories he has with his mom. It hits me I made his favorite days before I even knew he was coming to dinner. 

"Where do I even start?" Blip says, taking in the display. 

"I'm starting with one of each." Ginny says filling her saucer. 

"Of course you are Rookie." Mike says with a smirk. It quickly turns into contented sigh with the first bite of the tart. 

"You can’t do anything simple can you?" Mike says, eyes twinkling. 

I can help but chuckle. 

"Family dinner is low-key but it's special. When's the last time this happened?" I say. 

"Yea. I know. That’s why I love you."


	6. Thank you for your hospitality

I wait for laughter to spring from Mike's words but it never comes. The table is completely silent.  It's not as if we have never said 'I love you' to each other before. Most of the time it's coupled with a 'be safe' and a quick hug or a humorous 'I love you but you're an idiot'. But this feels different. I'm speechless as my tears gather. 

Mike's eyes widen at his blunder but a sudden softness overtakes them. Mike slowly rises and places his napkin on the table.  

"Thank you for dinner. It was delicious as always. I'm sorry to cut dessert short but I think it's time Rachel and I left." 

Still caught on Mike's words, I look at Rachel as she moves from the table. Only her eyes reveal her hurt beneath her stony expression.  

"Thank you for your hospitality." She says with a nod and a tight smile before she turns and leaves.  

Mike watches Rachel leave then makes his way around the table to the twins. He squats to their level with a wince.  

"I know I said I would play with you but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen tonight. It's my fault and I'm sorry." They both nod sadly. "But I would love to spend a whole day with you to make it up to you. I'm kinda jealous of Eva and Baker. This week if your parents say it's ok?" Mike looks up to Blip and Evelyn and they nod their approval. "OK. I gotta head out. I'll see you later." Markus and Gabe hug Mike and he rises to his full height.  

Mike says his quick goodbyes and chances a glance my way then leaves. 

The click of the door marking his exit. 


	7. The Talk

I continue to stare straight ahead, tears falling slowly. Evelyn settles beside me with a comforting hand on my back.  

"Eva? Eva are you.." 

"I don't understand. Did he mean..." I trail off. 

"Yes. Yes he did." 

"But.."  I say finally turning towards her. 

"Hun, anyone with eyes can see he loves you." Evelyn says with a small smile. 

"Then why did he..." I break off. 

"I don't know." Evelyn says. 

"I may have something to do with that." Blip breaks in. 

"Blip Sanders, what did you do?" Evelyn asks with her full mama voice.  

"Easy babe" Blip says taking a seat and turning to me. "When you and Gin were in NY, I had a talk with Mike." 

"About what?" I ask. 

"About you and Rachel" Evelyn's eyes are near slits as she listens to Blip explain. I listen intently, hoping to gain some form of clarity.  

"Like Ev said we all see that you two have something special. The smile that broke out on his face when you first walked into the club house, we hadn't seen that in a long long time. The more you were around the more we saw it. You just can't fake that. But when Rachel showed up at the hospital after Ginny got hurt I knew they were back on." 

That realization was a shock. Evelyn and I raced to the hospital to be with Ginny. Mike and Blip followed shortly after. Rachel came about an hour later and didn't leave Mike's side until we were permitted to go in and see Ginny. When we finally left for the night, relieved that Ginny's injury wasn't as bad as it could have been,  they left hand in hand. It was obvious Mike had made his choice.  

"If that's what he wanted I wanted it for him but if you pay attention to someone else's life more than your mates', you're headed for trouble." 

"What do you mean?"            

"Whenever Mike was here all he talked about was you and Gin's vacation-where you were, what you were doing, what you were eating. I know he was happy to see Gin doing good but it was more than that. When he got a message from you he would drop whatever he was doing or sometimes saying to text back. A few times I caught him  just staring at his phone and smiling at old messages. Rachel never came up or was an afterthought. I don't think it was intentional but it showed where his head was." 

I nod in understanding. 

"I just wanted him to see what he was doing and think about whether it was the best thing for his relationship or if this was the relationship he really wanted to be in. Ev told me you two hadn't spoken in months. It never crossed my mind that he would do that. I'm sorry." 

"You're Black Yoda and he listens to you but this decision was all Mike." I say rising to my feet. "Thanks for telling. If it's cool I think I'm going to go home." I say, suddenly exhausted. 

"Are you sure? We can grab a couple bottles of wine and complain about  how useless men are and I'll make sure you don't drunk text." Evelyn says, trying to persuade me to stay. 

"Thanks Sweets, but I don't think wine is the answer this time." I say with a small smile.  

"Ok. Fine" Evelyn says with a comical huff and a hug.  

I go upstairs and pack my bags from the week. I wheel them to the stairs then go in the boys room. They are sprawled on the bed and floor playing Ginny in a game. I thank them for being so good the past week and give them each a small present. They hug me goodbye and return to their game. Ginny tries to gauge my mood but I simply shrug and head down stairs with my bags with Ginny behind me.  

"I have a meeting with Oscar tomorrow. It shouldn't take long so I'll be there for your scans and lunch if you want" 

"Yea. Sounds good." Ginny says with a hug.  I say goodbye to Evelyn and Blip helps me with my bags to my car. 

"So he really never...?" Blip insinuates.  

"Said he loved me?" I clarify and Blip nods. "Not like that. No." 

"Did you ever suspect that he did?" 

"That's one thing I never let myself ask. Either way he was something I couldn't have so why think about it." 

"What about now?" 

"As far as I can tell nothing's changed but I don't know." I say getting into the driver's seat. 

"You know we're here for you right?" 

"Always" I respond kindly. " 

"Text us when you get home." Blip says as I round the driveway. 

"I will." 

I navigate out the palatial neighborhood and decide to take the curvy back roads instead of the highway. It gives me a few extra minutes to take in the setting sun in its splendor. I reach my building and park my car in the underground garage then make my way up to my apartment. 

"Home sweet home" 

I wheel my bags to my room and face plant on my bed.  It's too early to sleep and I know nothing will hold my attention. So, I go into the kitchen and decide to make a pot of Chai. The spices always seem to calm me and right now that's exactly what I need. While the milk and spices warm I put on my acoustic playlist. I add the tea to steep and stir the mixture gently. I strain the Chai and pour it into a mug.  

I lift myself  onto the counter. One foot is braced on the edge of the counter and the other dangles over the edge. My head lulls back onto the cabinet behind me. I close my eyes and listen to each song come and go, willing the tension to ease from my body. A mellow guitar riff starts and is partnered with the chime of my doorbell and a flicker of my lights.   


	8. I'm not mad

I open the door to find Mike, sporting the saddest puppy expression. I debate letting him in but turn and walk back inside leaving the door open. Knowing that's the only invitation he'll be receiving, Mike follows, closing the door behind him. I slide my Chai over and retake my position on the counter.  

"Eva" Mike starts and I silence him with a hand.   

"I'm at my limit, so this is how this is gonna go. If you want to talk tonight, take a minute and gather your thoughts and figure out exactly what you want to say and how you want to say it. Right now I don't have the emotional or mental capacity to decipher what you're trying to say. Can you do that?"  

"Yea" Mike says with a nod and I nod in return. Mike continues to look at me with a slight tilt of his head.  

"I..." He starts but doesn't continue and sighs. Mike begins to remove his jacket and stops, thinking better of it. "Do you mind?" He asks.  

"Go ahead."  

Mike takes off his jacket and places it on the table. His cuff links accompany his jacket and he rolls his sleeves up to his forearms then toes off his shoes. I've watched him do this a thousand times over the years. Why this moment I feel it so acutely I don't know.   

He braces his arms on the back of a chair and remains there stock still. His hands flex tightly and release, his brow tense. A few more sighs escape him and he stands straight. Mike walks to a cabinet, retrieves a mug, and fills it with Chai. He takes a tentative sip, then another. He relishes the flavor then sets it down and turns to me.  

"I'm sorry about tonight. We finally all got to be together and I ruined it. That was  a dick move." Mike says and rakes his hand over his face. "I didn't know if you were coming but I hoped you were. I missed you and I...I just missed you and my mouth got ahead of me. I didn't mean to say it. I meant it but saying it like that wasn't fair. Usually I can laugh it off but this time...I just couldn't. I know you're mad..."  

"I'm not mad" I interject.  

"What?"  

"I'm not mad." I repeat.  

"So I got ripped a new one from everyone except the woman that should be mad at me. That's new." Mike says to himself, taking in the situation.  

I look at him quizzically.   

"I went back to Blip's looking for you but you already left. Then Evelyn and Blip took turns making sure I knew just how bad I messed up. Best 45 minutes of my life." Mike says sarcastically with another sip of Chai.   

"I just want to understand. There's no point getting mad if there's an explanation. So, what happened? How did Blip telling you to pay more attention to Rachel become you can't talk to me at all?" I finally ask.   

Mike places his mug on the counter and looks me squarely in the eyes.  

"You're a distraction." Mike says simply. I wasn't expecting that and Mike can tell. "I don't know why but you just are. You always have been."  

"And that's my fault?" 

"No. Not at all. " Mike says fervently. "I'm just trying to explain. Blip talked to me about how much we talk but I thought everything was fine how it was. Then, you got really busy in New York and we only texted a few times over a week. It wasn't on purpose but it was exactly what Blip wanted me to do. Then on Saturday you sent me a picture of you and Ginny at Jetson's donuts. " 

"Yea, you called and said how dare I bring Gin to our donut place." I recite comically.  

"Jetson's Donuts is an art form and I'm not sure if Baker can appreciate them yet but whatever.  When I saw the picture I jumped in the car to meet you." 

"You were in New York? Why didn’t you tell me?" 

"Eva, I wasn't. I was still in La, with Rachel." Mike says ashamed. 

"Oh" 

 "We were getting coffee. When she went to the bathroom I got your text. All it took was one picture and I was gonna drop everything. After that I understood what Blip was saying. I felt like if I wanted Rachel and I to work I needed to concentrate on us and talking to you, even if it was less than normal, was taking me from that. So after that I stopped." 

I roll Mike's words around in my head. He makes sense to a degree but I'm not satisfied with his answer.  

"So, did it help?" 

"What?" 

"Did not talking to me help you to concentrate on you and Rachel?" 

"Honestly, no." Mike takes a breath and releases it slowly. "Before you moved here we didn't talk much but I always knew that if I needed you you would be there. And that if you needed me I would do whatever you needed. Then you moved here." Mike pauses. 

"When I say you're a distraction that wasn't always a bad thing. You get me out my head. You help me focus. After talking to you I always feel better.  I didn't know how much I relied on that.  And when you weren't around it felt...wrong. So no. It didn't help me concentrate on Rachel. I was just more aware that you weren't there." 

I take in all Mike's words and I would be lying if I said they didn’t warm me to my core. These are the type of things I've always wanted to hear. These are the type of words I've always wanted to hear from him but the voice in my head wants more.  

"So how long was this supposed to last?"  

"What do you mean?"  

"How long were you gonna be radio silent? If we hadn't had family dinner were we not gonna talk till spring training? When we got to spring training were you still not gonna talk to me or were you gonna act like nothing happened? Were you going to avoid me for the whole season or only talk to me through Gin and Blip? You started the silent treatment thing so when was it gonna end or was that going be the new normal?"     

Mike looks at me a gape.                   

"I...I didn't think that far." Mike finally answers.   

"You didn't think that far." I say thoughtfully. "You didn't think that far." I say with more force. "Ok. Yea," I draw out, "that doesn’t work for me. I need some clarification cause I'm still lost. This is what I have so far. Tell me if I missed anything." I say, placing my mug down with a loud thud.                              

"After Ginny got hurt, me, you, Blip and Evie got together to make a plan for Gin. We made a schedule for her doctor's appointments so she never had to go alone and made sure she didn't stay cooped up at the Omni. When it was time for me to go and see my family we had the brilliant idea for Gin to come with me. Everything was going great. Then two weeks into that trip my best friend, you, disappear. You were gone and I had no idea why. You didn’t answer any of my texts or calls. For four days I didn't know if you were in a drunken stupor or laying in a ditch somewhere. It wasn't until Gin told me you were doing just fine in La that I realized I was on the out.  You didn’t think to call or text and say 'hey I'm taking some time for Rachel and me I won't be around as much.' Nothing. I don't get a phone call, or text or even a two line e-mail? Did you think I wouldn't understand? You are not my only friend that's in a relationship. I know that you have to make your partner a priority for the relationship to work and sometimes that means your friends take a back seat till you're on solid ground. Your friends take a back seat, not left at a freakin truck stop."  

I hop off the counter and advance a few steps towards Mike. My volume has increased with every sentence. After each question a new one forms in my mind.   

"Eva..." Mike starts but is drowned out by my next slew of questions.  

"Did you forget the last two years and who got you through them? Did you forget the  3 a.m. phone calls when you couldn't sleep or that you crashed here for almost a month? Or that we went through every fight you two ever had cause you still didn't know what you did wrong and it made you doubt yourself?"  

I'm only about three feet away from Mike. It's just enough space that I can still look him in the eye and not have to tilt my head up. With each question I can tell he wants to answer but he gave up trying to interrupt me.  

"Come to think of it, all those times I was there for you, all those times I was a distraction, wasn't I there to distract you from her or the scars she left on you? So how is it that after all that I'm the one that gets left behind? Out of all the women you could have chosen, not groupies but woman with substance, you go back to the one that hurt you the most." I say disbelieving.  

"Did you forget all the petty arguments over nonsense that left you feeling like crap? Or that away games were a relief because sometimes the team felt more like your family than her? That you felt like you couldn’t be yourself in your own house?  Or that when you tore your ACL it took twice as long to heal cause you were so stressed? Did you somehow forget the last 5 years of your marriage?" I ask, my voice rising an octave.  

"Weren't you the one that told me the person that broke you can’t be the one to fix you? Did you think about any of that?  Did any of this even cross your mind?" I finish, looking at Mike expectantly. Mike's eyes are huge, having no idea even where to start. 

"Oh, and  how the heck can you be there when I need you, if you won't even pick up the dang phone?" I finish with my hands raised in exasperation.  

Ok. Maybe I'm a little mad.  

My breathing is hasty and ragged as I stare Mike up and down. He takes three steps towards me and I have to incline my head back to keep my eyes trained on his face. He is but a breath away. Mike smooths a stray hair from my bun and smiles down at me.  

"There she is."      

   

 

 

  

 


	9. I made a choice

"What?" I say hoarsely, swallowing at his proximity.  

"Nothing. You just get really...calculated when you don't know how you feel about something and when you finally figure it out you don't hold back. You never could." Mike says with a soft smile. His hand traces the curve of my neck and stills on my shoulders where his thumbs make lazy circles. "But I know I deserve it." Mike adds as he slides his hands down my arms to my hands, his eyes full of regret. 

Such a tender gesture would usually leave heat pooled in my belly but today it emphasizes the hurt I've been carrying. I shake myself free from his gaze and pull my hands free. I return to the kitchen and lean against the counter. My arms are folded over my chest as I stare down at my toes and I nibble the inside of my cheek. After releasing my pent up emotions, I'm unexpectedly raw.  I concentrate on controlling the burning in my eyes.  

Mike takes in my hunched stance and realizes my protective husk of angry bravado has blown away leaving my vulnerable core exposed. Anger is comprised of many facets. The one I harbor is the manifestation of disregarded feelings and a lack of appreciation.   

"Listen," Mike moves closer to me but leaves a modest amount of space. "The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. It may be selfish but if you hurt I do too and I'm not big on pain. I didn’t know these last few months affected you as much or, as I can see now, more than me. Truthfully, I knew you would be pissed. I didn't know how to get around it but I thought I could handle it. I have before. I would be your slave for a month or another appropriate punishment of your choosing and after a while we would go back  being us. But you with tears in your eyes and not being able to look at me, I can't take a month of that. I can barely take it now. There aren't words for how sorry I am but if you let me, I'll do everything in my power to make things right between us." 

I yearn for an answer to each of the questions I hurled at Mike but none more than the underlying question to them all. 

"Seriously, why did you pick her? How could you go back? I've turned that over in my head a thousand times ever since I first saw you two at the hospital. After everything that happened, I can't make sense of it." I say quietly, turning to Mike.    

"I told Rachel I wanted to get back together.  I thought we could have what we had before.  I thought we saw what we did wrong the first time around and wouldn't make the same mistakes.  I didn’t realize I had already moved on. She broke off her engagement for me. I felt like I owed it to her to try. I thought I was doing the right thing." 

"Right thing for who?" I question, finding my voice. "You are some type of special, you know that.  You spend your entire life oversharing to get a rise from the media or anyone that will listen, and they all do. It works to your advantage. Everyone knows who Mike Lawson is. You tell the truth but in the end the stuff you say is inconsequential. It's your own particular brand of narcissistic pro-baller playboy that you got pigeon holed as and never corrected. But when it comes to the real stuff, the stuff that actually matters, you bury it and hope it goes away. If you were just honest and dealt with it, it wouldn’t blow up in your face. You tried to do the right thing. I can't fault you for that but how did you see this ending?" 

"If dinner hadn't happened we would have talked eventually..." 

"No. How was it going to end with you and Rachel?" I clarify. 

Mike looks dazed at the question. His mouth opens but nothing comes out. 

"If you say 'I didn’t think that far' I swear I will smack you so hard half that shrub on your face will never grow back." I warn.  

Mike remains silent. 

He had a brain once. I know he did. Where did it go? 

"When did you realize you had moved on?" I ask. 

"Eva I don’t know. It just happened. I realized one day and..." Mike says not wanting to answer. 

"Yes you do." I say, not accepting his answer. "Two months,  a month? Six weeks? Come on. When did you know?" I push. 

"Fine. A week." Mike responds in a huff.  

"A week? Jesus Mike. You knew after a week?" I say dubiously. "Why go through months of this crap if you knew it wasn't gonna work out after a week?" 

"I made a choice. A choice I didn't see a way out of without hurting someone. I thought the right moment would come but it didn't." Mike sighs and begins to pace. "How do you beg your wife to take you back then say you made a mistake a week into it? How do you say it's not right but you don't know why? How do you say your... heart is with someone else?" He finishes, his eyes begging for mercy. "I know this should have been a really good night, for all of us but especially for you and me. I shouldn’t have let it go this far with Rachel or you." 

"How did you leave things with Rachel? How was she?" I ask cautiously.  

"Royally pissed and hurt but surprisingly calm"  

"Really? I didn't expect that. The calm part I mean" 

"Me either but I think she saw it coming" 

"What do you mean?" 

"She said she could tell something was off with me. She thought it was us getting used to each other again but it never went away. Then after tonight she said I never looked as happy or relaxed as I was at family dinner or any point in our marriage.  She said it was obvious where I wanted to be." 

"Mmm", I hum thoughtfully. "And where do you want to be?"  

"Isn't it obvious?"   

Mike's eyes take on a soft innocence much like a child. They radiate warmth, concealing nothing. Mike advances towards me and takes my hands in his. 

"I know I screwed up these last three months and that's all on me. But did I mess us up for good?" Mike ask earnestly. 

I look intently at the man before me. Every part of me wants to fling myself into his arms and never let go. But a small part of me holds reservations. Does he really want me or am I just another shot in the dark to finally have a family?  There's only way to find out but why not have some fun first.  

"Shave the beard." I say straight faced. 

"What?" Mike says taken aback.  

"If you want to make things right, lose the beard." 

"Ok." Mike says without hesitation 

"Wait. What?" 

"I said I'd do anything to make this right and it's only right you get to choose my punishment." Mike says with a sly grin. "It takes about three months to grow out. It'll be back to its full glory when the season starts.  

My eyes grow wide at my misstep. Mike clocks my reaction and pounces. 

"Oh my god, you like the beard!" Mike says cockily. 

"No. I'm just used to it and you'll look weird without it." I reason hastily.  

"Uh huh yea. Just admit it." Mike says as he tickles my sides lightly. Without noticing I've been backed up against the counter. Mike's hands remain lightly on my hips. 

"No. I knew the old you, the you that didn’t have the beard. He was a great guy but I like this version of you better." I say taking his face in my hands. "And this version happens to have a  semi-trained beaver on his face." I finish with  scratching softly under his left jaw.  

A throaty laugh bursts from Mike that reverberates through my whole body. His breath tickles my ear as I begin to laugh as well. Mike's hands leave my hips and envelope me in a secure embrace. He's solid and warm just like he should be.  

"God I missed you." He says into my hair. 

"Me too." I reply softly. My head right over his heart. Mike's hand moves soothingly up and down my back and my eyes flutter shut involuntarily at the sensation.  

Pulling back, "I don't want to pretend like their isn't anything between us anymore." 

"Me either." Mike says with visible relief. He looks down at me with such tender eyes and leaves a lingering but chaste kiss to my lips. The kiss is sweet but laced with promise. A fog descends over my brain and my next words come out in a stutter.  

"So, where do we go from here?" 

"That's up to you?" Mike responds, not caring as long as we're moving forward.  

"Start at the beginning." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought. Suggestions are welcome!


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